I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
