Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
