No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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