Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
