I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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