Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
