your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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