So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
