TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize