His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
