i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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