Soap is not a condiment
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
