I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
