I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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