Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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