I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
