hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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