I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
