My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
