I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
