Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
