Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
