u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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