Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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