That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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