flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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