I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
