smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
