I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
