i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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