I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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