I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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