i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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