I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
