is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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