The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
