I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
