ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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