just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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