She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
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Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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