I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
