Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
