That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
