conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
