one two three fourrrrnication!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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