Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
