Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
