You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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