then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
