god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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