i need an iv and a liver transplant
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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