I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
