and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize