***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
