babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's get the cat blown out
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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