Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
