I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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