almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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