Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
