dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
