Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
