I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
