you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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