That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
