Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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