I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
