I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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