i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
